Could A Bird's Nest Custody Arrangement Benefit You And Your Children?
A "bird's nest" custody arrangement can allow your children to stay in the marital home after a divorce while you and your ex-spouse share parenting by moving in and out of the home on a schedule (like birds taking turns in a nest with their young). It's an alternative custody arrangement that can work, but mediation is often necessary to help smooth the way.
What are the benefits of a bird's nest custody arrangement?
Bird's nest parenting prioritizes the needs of the children above the needs of the parents. That gives your children a stable environment and surroundings that don't change just because your relationship with your ex-spouse has changed. This can be especially attractive for parents of young children or for people whose children have developmental delays and adjustment difficulties that could be aggravated by having to move back and forth between residences.
However, there are a number of additional benefits for you and your ex as well:
- You and your ex can share a small apartment to serve as home when it isn't your turn to be in the family home. That reduces the expense of maintaining two separate homes that are large enough to hold the children.
- You don't have the expense of transportation to and from a school district that is at a distance from the non-family home.
- You don't have to worry about keeping two sets of clothes, toys, bedding, and other child-care items at each parent's residence.
- You can delay selling the family home to split the equity, which allows the home to build value that can be divided later.
- You may be able to work out a child support agreement that is less rigid than if you maintained two totally separate households.
Why is mediation important in bird's nest custody arrangements?
The most important reason to involve a mediator is to work out the details of the "nesting" in a cooperative way. There are, unfortunately, a lot of details that have to be worked out in order to make the arrangement a success:
- Who pays for what, both at the family home and at the other shared residence?
- How are groceries divided?
- Who is responsible for what household chores on a regular basis?
- Which parent is allowed to take the tax deductions for the children?
- Which parent is allowed to deduct the real estate taxes and mortgage interest?
- How are unexpected expenses (like a new furnace) divided?
- What method of discipline is going to be enforced with the children?
- How can each spouse maintain his or her personal privacy in this situation?
Obviously, this style of co-parenting won't work for everyone. If your relationship with your ex-spouse is acrimonious, trying to work together this closely is probably not a viable solution. In that case, mediation can help you both accept that a different solution is necessary.
For more information on bird's nest parenting or other solutions, contact a mediation services provider in your area, such as Mitchell Mediation Service.
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